Pushing Through the Insanity

Is it just me, or has June been a completely insane month? Between last-minute events and activities for Avery’s school, a book fair I was asked to run at another school, my brother and his family coming to visit from India, making up hours at home for work missed due to all the above stuff…I’m exhausted! But of course that’s not all. There have been challenges to compete in for Usborne Books & More, and a summer sale I’m running for Usborne, as well. I have (unsuccessfully) been trying to keep up with cleaning tasks at home. I’ve had meetings and plans and goals to reach. Oh, and let’s not forget the water pipe that decided to wreak havoc in my house last night (and get water all over both my bathrooms and into the basement).

Sometimes it’s amazing I’m still standing. But I’m doing my best to take it in stride and just keep pushing forward. Needless to say I haven’t accomplished the goals I set for myself earlier this year. I hadn’t expected the end of the school year to be quite so frantic. Silly me! So I guess I’m going to have to do some adjusting.

Amidst all the craziness has been a big dose of mom guilt. I feel like I haven’t been spending much quality time with my kids. There’s been too much yelling and not enough playing. I also need to work with both of them on their attitudes and behavior. With school out for the summer, I’m planning on putting into place new routines to get us back on track. I’m building in time for a little yoga in the morning (to work on mindfulness with the kids and maybe curb some of Avery’s impulses), play time in the morning, too, maybe a walk after dinner. I also need to get them working on their self-sufficiency. Avery in particular has gotten too lazy, expecting me to do everything for him. And he should definitely be able to get his own breakfast, at least!

Of course built into this routine will be time for me to take care of my own tasks. But I need to work on my willpower. I’ve been feeling lazy in the evenings too often and not getting anything done. Instead I’ll stay up way too late, which means I’m not getting anything done in the mornings, either, because I sleep in. I need to reset my system a bit so I can go back to being productive. While a little down time here and there isn’t a bad thing, this cycle hasn’t been good for me.

OK, so new routines. Tonight I will be tweaking the schedule I’ve made. Tomorrow I hope to put it into action. It will take a while to really get into the swing of things, but hopefully by this time next week I’ll start feeling more in control. No more insanity! (At least, no more than I was already used to!) I have a lot to get done this summer before school starts, and I can’t afford to give up now!

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Wanting It All

Is it possible to have it all? Well, not “all,” but everything that’s important to you?

I find myself struggling lately (well, for a while now, but more so lately) with wanting too much. And I go back and forth with being convinced I can manage it all if I schedule my time properly and being convinced that something is going to slip — and being afraid that that something will be my kids.

The problem is that everything I’m trying to fit in is important to me. My kids, of course. My future aspirations with grad school and beyond. My Usborne Books & More business and building relationships with schools and libraries. My involvement with Avery’s school and the local library. My websites. The only things that I want to cut out are the things that I can’t: working my regular job, and household chores and responsibilities.

Sometimes I wish I had only one or two things I was passionate about, that my life had had a clear path and the winding path I discussed last week was a little shorter. Then perhaps I would be established in some of these areas already and adding more wouldn’t be a problem. But everything I just mentioned, everything that I want to fit in, is coming together at the same time. And trying to fit it all in is proving to be a difficult puzzle. Are there too many pieces? Or will it just take persistence to get it all to fit?

I have a little bit of time to figure things out — mainly, this summer. Involvement with Avery’s school will mostly be put on hold during the summer. Grad school doesn’t start until the fall. That means I have just under three months to determine what has to give or discover a way to make the pieces fit.

My first step is to determine if there’s a way to build my Usborne Books & More business. If I can bring in more income with that, then perhaps I can find a way to at least cut back at my job. I also, as previously discussed, will continue to work on my big cleaning projects so my house is in better shape.

Next comes laying the groundwork for the rest – building a foundation so as much as possible runs smoothly with minimal input from me. I’m talking about getting my websites settled and establishing a regular routine that allows for brief updates. I’m also talking about establishing a routine (not just a schedule, but getting myself into a real routine) of light household maintenance so projects don’t build up. And helping create courses of action for the school PTO and Friends of the Library so I can be involved without it seeming like an urgent, huge endeavor every time.

And, most importantly, I need to get as much of this out of my head as possible, so it doesn’t invade the time I have with my kids. Too often I find myself distracted when I should be engaging my kids. I’m too preoccupied with other tasks to be fully present. I need to “set it and forget it” so I can focus on these other tasks at times when the kids are not around and really enjoy the time I have with my kids.

I have a lot on my plate. That’s nothing new! But it’s time to determine what’s getting eaten and what’s getting dumped.