Phoenix Rising

After the not-exactly-uplifting post yesterday, and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day that followed, I had not one but two breakdowns. It was as if all the stress and doubt and frustration came to a head and didn’t want to stay inside me any longer. So I let it out.

Afterward, I realized I had two choices. I could let myself wallow, bemoan my status, and continue to be miserable. Or I could take a deep breath and pick myself up. I opted for the latter.

In the past, when I’ve had moments of depression or self-pity, I’ve been able to take a deep breath and push myself back into sanity. I’ve strengthened my resolve, created a plan, and kept going. This time is no different, except that maybe this time more is at stake. But I am determined not to let my current set of circumstances get the better of me. It’s time to get to work.

So what does “get to work” look like? Well, I started last night by taking care of a couple of things that had been hanging over me. I changed my bedding so I could finally use the new sheets and comforter I received for Christmas. I started going through my gift stash and putting things aside for eBay. And I read more about starting a freelance writing business and gave some thought as to what I would like to write about. In short, I was working on building a foundation for moving forward (and isn’t that what this month was supposed to be about?).

Moving forward, though, I need to actually do something, not just organize and think about doing things. So what do I do?

This is where it gets tricky. There’s no guarantee that any of my efforts will pan out. I have lots to post on eBay, but posting takes time. And even if I post everything I have available, there’s no guarantee I’m going to sell anything. I’m able to take the training now to be an Educational Services Representative with Usborne, but even if I complete the training today, I need to build relationships and schedule events and sell books and all that fun stuff, which means income down the road. If we’re friends on Facebook, you likely saw my little post offering my writing services. I’ve reached out on another group I belong to for help determining pricing. But it still becomes a waiting game, at least until I can really get my name out there and find clients. So what do I do now?

Unfortunately I don’t have an answer for that one yet. I may have to juggle money a bit in the meantime. But the way I see it, the more possibilities I put out there, the more likely I am to have success with at least one. Something has to work, right?

Right?

I refuse to give in to self-doubt. I am stronger than that. So I’m going to do what I usually do when I get excited about something: jump in. It’s time to get my brain working overtime. It’s time to overflow with ideas and enthusiasm. And it’s time to get off the hamster wheel.

This will work.

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