Money sucks. It just does. And, while I’m trying to get back on track with my projects and and health goals, it just keeps sneaking back in to throw a wrench in everything. We’re struggling financially. Surprise, surprise. That’s old news. But my determination to do something about it seems to be growing. For a while there I had been reluctantly accepting of our status, dishing out interest and scraping by to make ends meet. But I’m tired of it. I look at our credit card statements and see what we’ve paid in interest this year and it disgusts me. I see balances going up despite my efforts to get them going down. I see more acrobatics in my bill paying book than in a Chinese acrobatics team. I see new expenses popping up out of the blue, determined to make me go even crazier than I already am.
And I’m sick of it.
I’ve been kicking myself for slacking off on my cleaning project, for spending too much time working on my Usborne business, trying to figure out ways to bring in more money. I wrote it off as a new project, a new passion, and my interest in it typical of any new project, absorbing my time and thoughts. But upon reflection I think it’s more than that. I think my subconscious has been pushing me toward the Usborne stuff because it realizes that this is a real way I could earn some money and perhaps get off this hamster wheel. While the cleaning stuff is important, too, for my peace of mind and pocketbook, I need to focus more on bringing in income.
Is it any surprise I’ve been eating more? Is it any wonder I don’t have energy to get things done? I’m stressed! Worrying about money takes its toll. So if I want to get myself in a better place, I need to take that into consideration. Yes, I’m stressed about the state of our house, too. I hate looking around and seeing a disaster area. But when I start slipping into the frame of mind where it doesn’t seem to matter what I do, we don’t get ahead, I end up in a worse place. Maybe I should take out my frustrations in my cleaning. That would kill two birds with one stone! With the motivation I’m starting to feel again, that just might be the way to get through.
I have to remind myself that money does not control me. I will get through this. I will find a way. I always do! And I have to use my stress and frustration as a motivator, as a push from behind to get me going in the right direction. I need to take charge. Isn’t that what I’ve said before? To make the changes you want to make, you need to take charge of your life. And it’s about time I start doing just that.