I was doing pretty well. I was being productive, felt like I was making progress, and pleased with my course of action. Then Sandy Hook hit. And while I’m still being productive, and still making progress, I now have this pain in my gut that won’t go away. It’s the same feeling I get when I’m stressed, but now it just feels like a lingering sadness.
I’ve been hugging Avery extra hard these days. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to lose him. I hope I never have to find out. My heart goes out to those whose lives have been torn apart by this. But if anything, it has reinforced to me the importance of appreciating what we have, who we have, and the lives we share.
It also encourages us to reevaluate our priorities. Tragedies like hurricanes and tornadoes are pretty bad. But many people walked away from those incidents having only lost material possessions. Devastating, yes, but those things are replaceable. People are not. I can sense a shift in my own priorities, as I am a bit more determined to focus on my relationships than the other things that need changing my life. Though I still need to worry about the money stuff and the job stuff, the people stuff matters more, and I am going to try to make the moments count a bit more.
Now more than ever I want to make Avery’s life happy, special and magical. If I let myself dwell on the tragedies that happen, his life will be spent in fear. That is not the life I want for him. And I don’t think that is the life he would want for himself. So instead, we will focus on the experiences, the time together, the joy in each new thing he learns.
I was making the next couple of weeks a time to catch up. And it still will be in many respects. But rather than wait until the new year to work on my relationships, that is getting added to the to do list now. Because the people I love are the most precious part of my life, and they deserve to be top priority. Each day is a gift with them, and if anything can be taken away from the tragedy that happened on Friday, it is that.